No, not the US sitcom!
Some definitions for your delectation.
Friend. Noun. Value that is found in and often the result of a someone demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:
- The tendency to desire what is best for the other
- Sympathy and empathy
- Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one’s counterpart
Fair-weather friend. Noun.
- A person who stops being a friend in times of difficulty.
I had cause to reflect on these definitions over the last couple of weeks.
I’ve always considered myself to have a few very close friends, as it takes me a long time to develop that level of trust. I do, however, have a wide circle of friends who I would not hesitate to help out or ‘look out for’ should the need arise. I would anticipate something similar by return, and this has been the case many times.
Beyond this is much wider circle of ‘people I know and would have a pleasant conversation with’, but I simply don’t know well enough to elevate to ‘friend’. Your definitions may vary a bit, but hopefully you have something similar.
I’ve never been one to shy away from a contrary view on the basis of it being unpopular. I will be pragmatic about such things, as there is no use in ‘winning the battle and losing the war’, but where I perceive a wrong or injustice I will attempt to right it.
So it came as something of a dismayed surprise to me to that some people I had on my mental list of ‘friends’ displayed none of the characteristics in my first definition above, and rapidly dropped into (and in one case below) the second definition when I expressed a strong opinion about the conduct of a local public service. This despite my having put myself out for them a number of times in the past.
If you’re a friend of mine you’ll stick with me. You may not agree with me 100%, and if you think I’m seriously off-base you’ll take me aside and tell me. Our friendship will be all the better for it. We’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll puzzle through the tough times, we’ll wring our hands in despair, we’ll celebrate the successes. We’ll remain friends. I’ll invest time in those relationships.
If you’re not a friend of mine and you show you’re interested, have a thought beyond yourself, show some creativity, if you’re willing to come alongside, help, persevere, see the potential, praise others and work hard – you’ll find the same returned and more. You’re a friend I just haven’t got to know yet.
Otherwise you’ll get a polite smile, a friendly nod, perhaps even a snatch of conversation. That’s all a fair weather friend deserves.
Here’s to my friends. You know who you are, and I thank you for it.
I whole-heartedly concur. Friends you think are “friends” turn out to be less so when it comes to the push, and others, who you had previously thought of as mere “casual acquaintances” turn out to be stars and a friend-for-life you never knew you had.
And of course it’s made all the more complicated by the virtualness of some of these “friendships”, you have people who you only know virtually and yet you seem to be very in tune with, and people who you once knew and through sites such as Facebook you are now “friends” with again, and then good friends who have moved on, emigrated and now you’re only left with a virtual friendship (but, on occasion, when you see them 5 yrs later, you carry on as if not one day had passed since you saw them last).
Never has having friends been so easy and yet so complicated.
When I took my boys out of school to home educate, about 4 years ago now, I discovered how many of my friends were just fair weather friends. And it really hurt – although my boys were around, they no longer wanted their kids to associate with them. I suspect they were frightened by anyone who chooses to live outside the box.
It just made us appreciate our real friends even more.